FAQ: Long Distance Relationship Edition

Hey guys I decided I wanted to do a FAQ for long distance relationships because I tend to get a lot of questions in regards to my relationship. First off I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we actually met on LiveProfile which is similar to Kik. I never told people the truth in the beginning on how we met because I was afraid that people wold judge and hell I didn’t feel like hearing other opinions. So without further ado let’s get to the questions….

1. What makes a LDR work?

In my opinion communication is key! Communication is important in any type of relationship that you have so you know that is has to be on point  when being away from each other. Secondly there has to be trust, there’s no point in having a relationship without trust. If you have to constantly think about what your partner may be doing when you aren’t around, then you may really need to rethink some things. Lastly for me, respect is a must. Respect also carries into any relationship that you have, you need to respect one another and set boundaries for what works best for your situation.

2. Is a LDR better than other relationships you’ve been in before?

This relationship has been a lot different in many ways, I’ve grown to get to know my boyfriend and he has become by best friend. Where with other relationships I felt that I rushed into putting titles on things before actually getting to know that person. With Horace the approach was completely different, we spent about 7 months of just talking and getting to know each other. We learned about what each other liked and didn’t like, what our hobbies where, etc. By the time our first date rolled around, it wasn’t that awkward silence that I experienced so many times before.

3. What is the hardest part about being in a LDR?

The distance would have to be the hardest, and not just because you can’t see one another everyday but because when times get hard and you butt heads you aren’t able to sort out your feelings face to face. You end up discussing these things through text messages and over Skype and I don’t know about you guys but that isn’t exactly a forum I would like to have those types of conversations on.

4. When did you realize that you wanted to make this a serious relationship?

When we would talk everyday all day and I still couldn’t get enough, I wanted to know more about him and found that although we are complete opposites and brought out a different side of me. When I realized he challenged me in different ways and his attitude was completely different than other guys that I had talk to I realized that taking a risk and making it a serious relationship was worth it.

5. Do people tend to downplay your relationship?

All the time, when I tell people that he lives 5 hours away they always give me that look as if it’s not as real because he’s not physically right by my side everyday. We have been together for 4 years, and not everyday has been a good day. We’ve had some really bad times to where we did feel like throwing in the towel and giving up because we felt that lack of support or because we couldn’t see eye to eye and wanted to both just quit. But of course we have our good times and those always outweigh the bad. But during those darkest times is what matters most because anyone can be by your side when it’s good, but will you be by myself when things get rough? He’s always proven that he’ll stick by my side no matter what obstacle has comes our way. I feel our relationship is right up there with the other “normal” relationships, in my opinion LDR’s experience more challenges.

6. If someone would have told you today that 4 years ago you would be in a LDR, what would your response have been?

I probably would have laughed, I never thought I would be in a long distance relationship, it definitely wasn’t my first choice. Do I regret it now? Not at all.

7. Is marriage in your future? Do you plan on moving in together?

Marriage is definitely in the future, we both have discussed getting married but we want to do it on our terms. Everybody seems to have their two cents but at the end of the day it’s what we want to do. We don’t want to just get married because of what others have to say. We definitely plan on moving in together, actually trying to get it together for this summer.

8. What about kids?

We definitely want kids…..but once again on our terms.

9. How do you feel about online dating?

Just like with regular dating practices, it has its good sides and bad sides. I know it isn’t for everyone and if you are going to do online dating, I just say be smart and don’t do anything you know you aren’t comfortable with doing just to get a guy. You have to stay safe whether you meet somebody online or at the mall, there are creeps online and offline.

10. What advice would you give others that are thinking about being in a LDR?

Do NOT commit to a long distance relationship if you aren’t fully committed. And when I say that I mean don’t enter something that your heart isn’t going to be fully in. Relationships are already hard, don’t drag somebody along just because you want your cake and want to eat it too. If you are the type of person that can’t commit to a “normal” relationship then this is not the right choice for you. Also take your time, get to know that person and make sure you take the time out to really get to know that person. Communicate with each other, even if it isn’t all day, a simple check in is always nice. And most importantly don’t over think everything, enjoy the good times and stay strong during the bad.

xoxo….

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Rather late than never

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Hey beauties! I hope everyone had a great Valentine’s Day and got to spend quality time with your friends and loved ones. My Valentine’s Day was great, my honey came and surprised me….it was the sweetest thing ever ❤️. What did you guys do?

February!

Hey beauties! Its February and you all know what that means, Valentine’s Day! I don’t know if you guys have any special plans but I am definitely excited, my boyfriend will be coming to visit because our anniversary is actually on the 20th so we wanted to spend that time together. Also another exciting thing that has happened, I’ve started a new job this month, finally making good money, finally have good benefits and finally in a company where I see the potential to grow! (so important). I finally feel like I am in a good spot to where I can take care of a lot of things financially and finally be able to move out like I want, we hit a little road block, but are getting back on track! What are some of your plans for Valentine’s Day?

2015

I miss the old me sometimes. I miss how careless I could be, not afraid of trying new things and putting myself out there. It’s sad to say that as I got a little older I became more afraid and more cautious about putting myself out there. I don’t know if it’s fear of being hurt, rejected or what….but it’s not a good feeling. It’s hard putting yourself out there when people have become so sneaky and don’t have your best interests at heart. But I will say when you meet those people that are worth your time and energy, you should value them. I don’t want to say new year, new me but I feel like things are finally starting to look up for me. I will be starting a new job in February, enrolling back into school to get my Bachelors degree, working on becoming a better friend,daughter, sister, aunt, girlfriend, granddaughter, and me. In 2015 let’s forget all the fear and do what we said we were going to do. Let’s work hard on those goals, and set higher bars for ourselves. Let’s be good to one another and just be better for ourselves. I’m ready for 2015, are you?

Rant of the day…..

Here’s my little rant for the day….I have been in my long distance relationship for 3 years and counting. Although we may have hit a few bumps in the road we know what works best for us, so I find it humorous when people try to speak on a situation that they know nothing about. Let me tell you something whether you are in a long distance relationship or if your man or woman is living in the same house as you….if you don’t have trust you don’t have ANYTHING. If you don’t communicate with one another how are you to work through any problems that you may be having. The other day a co-worker approached me and we started talking about our relationships. I told her that my boyfriend was going out with his girl best friend and she completely lost it. She couldn’t figure out for the life of her why I thought it was okay. She said you can’t trust girls (and although I find that to be true I didn’t find it accurate in that moment) because girls are always trying to be sneaky. To make a long story short we shared our difference in opinions and I came to the conclusion that if you feel some type of way about something then you need to address it with your significant other. And if you feel the need to chase after him or her checking every little move they make then maybe you need to reconsider the relationship. Of course you’ll have insecurities but I feel it’s the other person’s job to make you feel as secure as possible. I was also told that I don’t need to be in such a committed relationship but yet I should be enjoying my life being in my 20’s….But whose to say that I’m not enjoying my life being in a committed relationship. I’ve been extremely happy these last 3 years and I’ve experienced so many different things. No we aren’t perfect but I’ve gained a best friend; someone I can laugh with, someone I can cry to with my little problems, someone that loves me inside and out. So I’m saying all of this to say that not everybody’s situation is going to be the same, some people enjoy dating around and some people enjoy being with just one person. Yes you are entitled to your opinion but just remember your experiences are not mine and you can’t push what you feel onto someone else.

Y’all people that have your significant other right there and aren’t in long distant relationships better appreciate one another. I get so sappy seeing other couples together holding hands and kissing. One day…..

My Ladies

My ladies, stop comparing yourself to other girls. We are all beautiful and unique in our own ways. I know I have a bad habit of comparing myself to other girls especially if I think my boyfriend thinks they’re cute, but that’s an insecurity within myself….always trying to be better than the next chick. We (girls) have a horrible habit of tearing each other down instead of trying to uplift one another. Everyone is beautiful….sure you may not have a feature that the other girl has but that doesn’t make you any less pretty. And STOP letting this men make you feel like you have to look a certain way….if that’s the case then he ain’t the one for you. Be with someone who thinks you are beautiful even on your worst days when you want to crawl back in bed and try it again tomorrow. Find someone who looks at you for more than just your breast or your ass….Find someone who can make you feel special. Too often have I put myself down thinking that my boyfriend didn’t think I was as pretty as other girls…when in fact it has been myself looking and wanting to be like someone else. Embrace what makes you you and love yourself flaws and all. How about this…the next time you go to talk bad about someone try to find something to compliment them about instead.

I hate taking naps in the middle of the day because then I’m up all night and I still have to get up early tomorrow. Anyways vacation is in 5 days, I know you’ll probably sick of seeing the countdown but you must understand how excited I am…it has been 3 long months and I really miss my boyfriend. On another note there’s some other exciting things coming up, I’m thinking about doing a giveaway of some sort because I have a lot of beauty products that I just bought (and haven’t opened) that I really don’t need. I might add some other things in there as well…..but I need ideas. What else?…..my favorite time of the year is coming around and that of course is Thanksgiving…and then Christmas. I’m really excited about Christmas because my goal is to be in our new place celebrating with my baby on his birthday for the first time since we’ve been together! I know I’ve been slacking and I plan on trying to post at least three times a week…but I always get backed up on things….I think I want to do more advice posts (beauty and non beauty) but I haven’t quite decided. Well I’m going to try to get some sleep because I know I will regret this in the morning.

It’s October !

It’s October you guys and I am so excited, for four reasons exactly. 1. We are getting more into the fall weather, and I’m hoping to actually start seeing more of the fall weather. 2. My vacation is this month and I finally get to see my hubbies after two long months. 3. We are getting closer to our move date in December and 4. I get paid three times this month instead of two. I swear I need to do better on updating more often, but I’m always working and when I’m not I’m sleeping lol. Anyways what season is your favorite and why?

UPDATE !

Hey guys, I’m getting really excited now. I just got approved for my vacation time for next month, so I will be in Charlotte checking out and hopefully applying for an apartment while I’m there. It’s getting real now because December is approaching rapidly and we are almost there. It has been very stressful trying to work as much as possible so that this move will be possible but it’s about that time we get out and get our own. Hey if anyone is from Charlotte, let me know of the good places to visit!