FAQ: Long Distance Relationship Edition

Hey guys I decided I wanted to do a FAQ for long distance relationships because I tend to get a lot of questions in regards to my relationship. First off I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we actually met on LiveProfile which is similar to Kik. I never told people the truth in the beginning on how we met because I was afraid that people wold judge and hell I didn’t feel like hearing other opinions. So without further ado let’s get to the questions….

1. What makes a LDR work?

In my opinion communication is key! Communication is important in any type of relationship that you have so you know that is has to be on point  when being away from each other. Secondly there has to be trust, there’s no point in having a relationship without trust. If you have to constantly think about what your partner may be doing when you aren’t around, then you may really need to rethink some things. Lastly for me, respect is a must. Respect also carries into any relationship that you have, you need to respect one another and set boundaries for what works best for your situation.

2. Is a LDR better than other relationships you’ve been in before?

This relationship has been a lot different in many ways, I’ve grown to get to know my boyfriend and he has become by best friend. Where with other relationships I felt that I rushed into putting titles on things before actually getting to know that person. With Horace the approach was completely different, we spent about 7 months of just talking and getting to know each other. We learned about what each other liked and didn’t like, what our hobbies where, etc. By the time our first date rolled around, it wasn’t that awkward silence that I experienced so many times before.

3. What is the hardest part about being in a LDR?

The distance would have to be the hardest, and not just because you can’t see one another everyday but because when times get hard and you butt heads you aren’t able to sort out your feelings face to face. You end up discussing these things through text messages and over Skype and I don’t know about you guys but that isn’t exactly a forum I would like to have those types of conversations on.

4. When did you realize that you wanted to make this a serious relationship?

When we would talk everyday all day and I still couldn’t get enough, I wanted to know more about him and found that although we are complete opposites and brought out a different side of me. When I realized he challenged me in different ways and his attitude was completely different than other guys that I had talk to I realized that taking a risk and making it a serious relationship was worth it.

5. Do people tend to downplay your relationship?

All the time, when I tell people that he lives 5 hours away they always give me that look as if it’s not as real because he’s not physically right by my side everyday. We have been together for 4 years, and not everyday has been a good day. We’ve had some really bad times to where we did feel like throwing in the towel and giving up because we felt that lack of support or because we couldn’t see eye to eye and wanted to both just quit. But of course we have our good times and those always outweigh the bad. But during those darkest times is what matters most because anyone can be by your side when it’s good, but will you be by myself when things get rough? He’s always proven that he’ll stick by my side no matter what obstacle has comes our way. I feel our relationship is right up there with the other “normal” relationships, in my opinion LDR’s experience more challenges.

6. If someone would have told you today that 4 years ago you would be in a LDR, what would your response have been?

I probably would have laughed, I never thought I would be in a long distance relationship, it definitely wasn’t my first choice. Do I regret it now? Not at all.

7. Is marriage in your future? Do you plan on moving in together?

Marriage is definitely in the future, we both have discussed getting married but we want to do it on our terms. Everybody seems to have their two cents but at the end of the day it’s what we want to do. We don’t want to just get married because of what others have to say. We definitely plan on moving in together, actually trying to get it together for this summer.

8. What about kids?

We definitely want kids…..but once again on our terms.

9. How do you feel about online dating?

Just like with regular dating practices, it has its good sides and bad sides. I know it isn’t for everyone and if you are going to do online dating, I just say be smart and don’t do anything you know you aren’t comfortable with doing just to get a guy. You have to stay safe whether you meet somebody online or at the mall, there are creeps online and offline.

10. What advice would you give others that are thinking about being in a LDR?

Do NOT commit to a long distance relationship if you aren’t fully committed. And when I say that I mean don’t enter something that your heart isn’t going to be fully in. Relationships are already hard, don’t drag somebody along just because you want your cake and want to eat it too. If you are the type of person that can’t commit to a “normal” relationship then this is not the right choice for you. Also take your time, get to know that person and make sure you take the time out to really get to know that person. Communicate with each other, even if it isn’t all day, a simple check in is always nice. And most importantly don’t over think everything, enjoy the good times and stay strong during the bad.

xoxo….

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Selfie Challenge?

Hey beauties! So I’m always seeing these challenges going around on Facebook and Tumblr so why not here? I challenge you guys to submit your best 3 selfies and challenge three more people to do the same. If you’re interested like this post or just let me know! 💁

Here’s mine!

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Now it’s your turn….

Tips for new Naturalistas

So this March, it will be one year since I have been completely natural! It really is an exciting journey. When I finally made the decision to do my “big chop,” although scared, I was really excited to start something new. When I saw my hair fall onto the floor piece by piece I think I had a mini panic attack inside. Once it was over I ran to the mirror to be surprised by a shorter dry afro. I don’t know if I was expecting the luscious curls that I see so much all over YouTube and other media sites; but my feelings were mixed about what I was seeing in the mirror. I wasn’t too sure what to do next; what products do I use? What style should I try? The first thing that popped in my head was moisture! So I decided to go ahead and wash and deep condition to tame my newly chopped hair. After almost a year of being natural I’m not a pro but I have a lot more experience, and have a few tips to share with my newly big chopped naturalistas…

1. Embrace your unique curl pattern and texture. Don’t compare yourself to others because that will only lead to disappointment, and that would make you forget the real reason you decided to take the journey in the first place.

2. Find a routine that works for you. Find a regimen that you know you can stick to that will benefit your hair. Find products that work for your hair. Trust me, you will have to try a few different things and combinations. I myself have a full basket of hair products (I’m a product junkie lol). Make sure you have a good wide tooth comb as well as a satin bonnet or satin pillow case (cotton anything is a NO NO!)

3. Remember that everyone’s hair is different, and that length is not what is the most important, you want healthy & happy hair. Remember to try to limit your heat use and you will really see your hair thrive. Everyone’s hair will grow differently. When you look at someone’s before and after photo after they typically have been natural for maybe a year or two, please remember that.

4. Try to find a good support group and maybe some other naturals. I know this was extremely helpful for me during my beginning stages. Finding other people that may be going through the same feelings as you will keep you strong so that you don’t go back to the creamy crack lol. I also found it helpful because other naturalistas was able to give me tips and tricks that I couldn’t think of.

Those are a few tips that I could think of that have helped me get to one year and has helped keep pushing forward. Becoming natural is something more than just your curl pattern and textures, for me it was something bigger than that and I think everyone’s journey will be different. I hope I helped at least one person whether you are in your transitioning stage right now or still considering whether or not to take that plunge. If you have tips of your own, I would love to hear, leave them in the comments!

L.O.C Method

So this one is for my natural sisters. It will be one year since I have been natural, and I’m still working on how to master the L.O.C method. For those who don’t know what the LOC method is, it is a technique that is used to moisturize your hair and help with retaining that moisture a little bit longer throughout your week. The L stands for leave-in or liquid the O stands for oil, and the C stands for cream. Now there isn’t any set way on how to do this, I’ve heard of people and their different ways to master this method and they all seem interesting. Here are a couple of products that I use…

L- if I’m not using water I use ApHogee Keratin & Green Tea Restructrizer or Aloe Vera Juice (diluted). You can use any leave in conditioner that works best for your hair.

O- If I don’t use my beloved coconut oil I usually use whatever I  have on hand.You can use Jojoba, almond, argan, olive, grapeseed, tea tree and amla oil, all the way down to shea butter. Or you can even make your own little concoction.

C- For creams there are so many options. I personally love As I Am products, so I use the leave in conditioner. I also use Karen’s Body Beautiful Leave in Conditioner. I sometimes use styling creams as well if I’m not doing this as my nightly routine.

So there is not set products to use, you kind of have to find the right combinations that work best for you. Yes it has taken me a few different tries but this method really helps. I know my ladies that may have recently big chopped have experienced some more dryness than they are usually use to. This LOC method will definitely help with that and it allows you to retain that moisture for a little bit longer throughout the week. If you have any products that you use, please share!

A C N E

If you are like me or any other normal person in the world, I’m sure you have had your run in with acne. I recently had a huge breakout with cystic acne, which is very painful, but has left a lot of scaring behind. So immediately I hopped on it, did my research and started trying some different things. Here are a few things that helped me…

1. Raw honey and crushed aspirin. I know it sounds weird but it definitely worked. Honey is naturally antibacterial which helps with acne treatment and also preventing it in the future. It is super moisturizing and helps with opening the pores so that they are easier to clean. Aspirin is anti-inflammatory and help with any redness and puffiness that may occur. I usually cleanse my face and then make a mask with the honey and aspirin, I would then apply that all over or just the affected area, you can use this as an overnight mask or leave it on for 10-15 minutes and rinse off with cool water.

>Side Note< I would suggest you use any facial cleanser that works best for your skin. I have tried Proactive and it actually made my skin worse. I now use The Body Shop tea tree facial wash because tea tree is also another ingredient that helps with the appearance of dark marks. I also use the Olay facial brush because it seems to really clean deep down in the pores, more than what my hands can do.

2.Toner. I personally use Thayers Witch Hazel (with lemon). What I love about this toner is that it has aloe vera in it which is also known to help with fading dark marks. Toners are helpful with cleaning any left over dirt that may have been left behind, sometimes it is also good for a little refresher throughout the day (especially if you are oily like myself). Some toners have different ingredients in them, so once again you will have to choose what is best for your skin.

3. A good moisturizer. I use Aveeno or Nivea, in the colder weather I am able to use my beloved coconut oil (which I use for everything) but when it is hot that is a bad idea! I also like moisturizers with some type of SPF in them because it helps protect my face when I go outside, making sure the dark marks don’t get darker and all my hard work goes to waste.

& last but not least….(this step is optional)

4. Exfoliator. DO NOT do this everyday, this is something that should be done 1-2 times a week…tops. Exfoliating helps remove all the dead skin and gunk that was left there throughout the week, and it makes your face feel so good. I don’t use anything in particular, it’s normally whatever I find on sale or what smells really good. I only exfoliate once a week since I use my Olay facial brush…I don’t want to cause too much irritation.

So I hope these tips help somebody that has or is going through what I went through. If you have any tips of your own please let me know!

Bantu Knots

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I did my cousins hair for the holidays and she loved it. This was my first time styling someone else’s hair and it came out great. Let me know what you guys think!

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I want to redo my style this year….just not sure where to start. I dress pretty well for a bigger girl but I want to step it up and get out of my comfort zone and try stuff I haven’t before. Any ideas?

Happy New Years !

Happy New Years guys! I hope everyone had a great holiday and a great New Years. Mine was wonderful, I was in Charlotte for the weekend and brought in New Year with my boyfriend…one of our traditions(well I’d like to think so lol). We had a great time, a lot of laughs, some good/bad food, some tears lol, and a lot of love. So I didn’t make any resolutions this year because I seldom stick with them. But I have decided that I would like to start living and being healthier. It’s going to definitely be a challenge but at the end of that I know will be a great reward. What was some of your resolutions, if you made any? And how did you enjoy your holiday?

2015

I miss the old me sometimes. I miss how careless I could be, not afraid of trying new things and putting myself out there. It’s sad to say that as I got a little older I became more afraid and more cautious about putting myself out there. I don’t know if it’s fear of being hurt, rejected or what….but it’s not a good feeling. It’s hard putting yourself out there when people have become so sneaky and don’t have your best interests at heart. But I will say when you meet those people that are worth your time and energy, you should value them. I don’t want to say new year, new me but I feel like things are finally starting to look up for me. I will be starting a new job in February, enrolling back into school to get my Bachelors degree, working on becoming a better friend,daughter, sister, aunt, girlfriend, granddaughter, and me. In 2015 let’s forget all the fear and do what we said we were going to do. Let’s work hard on those goals, and set higher bars for ourselves. Let’s be good to one another and just be better for ourselves. I’m ready for 2015, are you?

Today was a real eye opener for me. Due to some recent events I was starting to think about it the relationship that I had with my father and it made me sad all over again. I could never understand why we couldn’t get our relationship on the right track…. I always blamed myself because for a while I feel like he had disowned me. Well this morning I went to church and it just so happened that’s what the pastor was talking about. To sum it up he basically preached that although you may have family members that disown you, shame you and may not love you the way you deserve….God will love you no matter what because he has been in any situation you can think of and he is not ashamed to say that you are his child. So long story short…..despite my flaws and my mistakes I know that God will love me just the way I am.