2015

I miss the old me sometimes. I miss how careless I could be, not afraid of trying new things and putting myself out there. It’s sad to say that as I got a little older I became more afraid and more cautious about putting myself out there. I don’t know if it’s fear of being hurt, rejected or what….but it’s not a good feeling. It’s hard putting yourself out there when people have become so sneaky and don’t have your best interests at heart. But I will say when you meet those people that are worth your time and energy, you should value them. I don’t want to say new year, new me but I feel like things are finally starting to look up for me. I will be starting a new job in February, enrolling back into school to get my Bachelors degree, working on becoming a better friend,daughter, sister, aunt, girlfriend, granddaughter, and me. In 2015 let’s forget all the fear and do what we said we were going to do. Let’s work hard on those goals, and set higher bars for ourselves. Let’s be good to one another and just be better for ourselves. I’m ready for 2015, are you?

Today was a real eye opener for me. Due to some recent events I was starting to think about it the relationship that I had with my father and it made me sad all over again. I could never understand why we couldn’t get our relationship on the right track…. I always blamed myself because for a while I feel like he had disowned me. Well this morning I went to church and it just so happened that’s what the pastor was talking about. To sum it up he basically preached that although you may have family members that disown you, shame you and may not love you the way you deserve….God will love you no matter what because he has been in any situation you can think of and he is not ashamed to say that you are his child. So long story short…..despite my flaws and my mistakes I know that God will love me just the way I am.

Be careful…

Be careful who you trust, not everyone is worth your trust. Be careful who you love, not everyone is worthy of your heart. Be careful who you call your friends, because they’re sometimes the same people hoping you’d fail. Just be careful….

Rant of the day…..

Here’s my little rant for the day….I have been in my long distance relationship for 3 years and counting. Although we may have hit a few bumps in the road we know what works best for us, so I find it humorous when people try to speak on a situation that they know nothing about. Let me tell you something whether you are in a long distance relationship or if your man or woman is living in the same house as you….if you don’t have trust you don’t have ANYTHING. If you don’t communicate with one another how are you to work through any problems that you may be having. The other day a co-worker approached me and we started talking about our relationships. I told her that my boyfriend was going out with his girl best friend and she completely lost it. She couldn’t figure out for the life of her why I thought it was okay. She said you can’t trust girls (and although I find that to be true I didn’t find it accurate in that moment) because girls are always trying to be sneaky. To make a long story short we shared our difference in opinions and I came to the conclusion that if you feel some type of way about something then you need to address it with your significant other. And if you feel the need to chase after him or her checking every little move they make then maybe you need to reconsider the relationship. Of course you’ll have insecurities but I feel it’s the other person’s job to make you feel as secure as possible. I was also told that I don’t need to be in such a committed relationship but yet I should be enjoying my life being in my 20’s….But whose to say that I’m not enjoying my life being in a committed relationship. I’ve been extremely happy these last 3 years and I’ve experienced so many different things. No we aren’t perfect but I’ve gained a best friend; someone I can laugh with, someone I can cry to with my little problems, someone that loves me inside and out. So I’m saying all of this to say that not everybody’s situation is going to be the same, some people enjoy dating around and some people enjoy being with just one person. Yes you are entitled to your opinion but just remember your experiences are not mine and you can’t push what you feel onto someone else.

I hate taking naps in the middle of the day because then I’m up all night and I still have to get up early tomorrow. Anyways vacation is in 5 days, I know you’ll probably sick of seeing the countdown but you must understand how excited I am…it has been 3 long months and I really miss my boyfriend. On another note there’s some other exciting things coming up, I’m thinking about doing a giveaway of some sort because I have a lot of beauty products that I just bought (and haven’t opened) that I really don’t need. I might add some other things in there as well…..but I need ideas. What else?…..my favorite time of the year is coming around and that of course is Thanksgiving…and then Christmas. I’m really excited about Christmas because my goal is to be in our new place celebrating with my baby on his birthday for the first time since we’ve been together! I know I’ve been slacking and I plan on trying to post at least three times a week…but I always get backed up on things….I think I want to do more advice posts (beauty and non beauty) but I haven’t quite decided. Well I’m going to try to get some sleep because I know I will regret this in the morning.

UPDATE !

Hey guys, I’m getting really excited now. I just got approved for my vacation time for next month, so I will be in Charlotte checking out and hopefully applying for an apartment while I’m there. It’s getting real now because December is approaching rapidly and we are almost there. It has been very stressful trying to work as much as possible so that this move will be possible but it’s about that time we get out and get our own. Hey if anyone is from Charlotte, let me know of the good places to visit!

Confessions: Part II

I know I’m not the only one that feels this way, I have had my fears of being alone. When looking at my family there is honestly no relationship I would want mine to be like. I think too many times people hold back what they really feel and allow for things to happen just to say that they have someone. I know I have done it, yes I am young, but I I have definitely allowed guys to do whatever just to say that I had someone. I’ve had my share of heartbreaks and even though at the time I couldn’t understand why, I am happy now that they are no longer in my life. Sure my relationship is not perfect, yea we have our issues just like everybody else, expect this time I don’t hold back. If I don’t like something, he knows right off the back, he may get mad because he knows I’m right but he knows that’s how I am and the biggest difference of all is that he actually respects that. Now here’s my confession, not too long ago I was called a “snooper” lol, I would go through what ever I could find just to find any traces of cheating. (My crazy way of thinking at the time, was I’ll leave him before he leaves me) As I get older I realize that I need to be okay with being by myself if he ever were to leave. This brings me to marriage, just because he puts a ring on it ladies, does not mean that he will stay committed to you. That’s me being real, although there are a lot of men that take their vows seriously there are those that just say them and that’s all…they are just words. Ladies there will always be another woman out there that is prettier than you, smarter than you,better at something than you, but the most important thing is what you see in yourself. Be okay with being alone if that person doesn’t seem right, and if you are in a relationship and you don’t like something…speak up about it. What are your thoughts about this?

Daddy Issues

I know there are plenty of people that can relate to a similar issue that I had and am currently still going through. Being 23 years old and still having daddy issues is not where I want to be. My father and I haven’t always had the best relationship, a lot of mistakes that he made has definitely jeopardized what could been between us. When I grew up and was finally able to understand the situation, I was angry with him for basically giving up and not stepping up to the plate and making it better. When he got really sick I was there for him, but once he felt better the relationship went right back to being the same. My relationship with my father has definitely had a large impact on my relationship with men, the way I look at love, and even the way that I have looked at myself. I’ve never had him tell me I was beautiful or be there for me when my heart was broken by some little knucklehead. He missed out on a lot of big milestones in my life and never once apologized for that. I can say honestly I have held a lot of resentment towards him because there are children out there that dont even have the opportunity to know their father, and here I am knowing my father and wanting him in my life and he does a half ass job. Every relationship works two ways, you cant have just one person putting in all the work and expecting it to change. I’ve been stuck in a place where I feel like giving up and moving on with my life but then he’ll text me and I’ll get sucked back all over again. It is very frustrating and upsetting because a father’s presence is very important in a girl’s life. My mother has definitely put in overtime stepping up for what he lacked. I will always love my father, but I do not like the person he is. It has been one disappointment after the next, and I can’t keep living my life expecting him to change. I’ve learned to love myself, and through those failed relationships I’ve found someone that truly understands and loves me. I would never wish bad on anyone because that’s not who I am, but I only wish that he doesn’t figure all this out before it’s too late.